Feeling inadequate

We all know the feeling: waking up with this amazing idea in your head of what you're going to do, or create, during the day, pouring your heart and soul into it, doing everything you thought you'd have to do to get it right and, suddenly, you look at the finished thing and it's just...not what you wanted.

I've been feeling a lot like this recently. 
As someone who is always surrounded by people who are incredibly creative and inventive, I normally feel incredibly inspired by other blogs to adapt my blog and improve it's content, but sometimes it's more like these people give me the feeling that almost the creativity equivalent of relative deprivation.  

It's difficult, as well, because what I want to do with this blog isn't far off what I've actually been doing - I've been posting more regularly, making myself do different things with it rather than just the usual clothes and makeup haul, for example my T in the Park posts and We Need To Talk About Kevin review, and I've allowed become more friendly and myself in the way that I write in the hope of really finding my niche in the blogging world. 

Everybody who's made it successfully in the blogging game talk about how awful their blogs used to be when they first started out, and even I feel like mine has come a long way since I started last year, and the silver lining in feeling this way is that rather than sit and let this play on my mind, I have decided to turn it into a blog post; something I would normally never do, which again is expanding and developing my blog rather than trying to plow on with the stuff that I feel isn't good enough. 

We all know from things like this video from Zoella that it is definitely not an uncommon feeling, so what I'm trying to say is, rather than let it get me down and stuck in a rut, I'm just going to remember I'm not alone in this, and I'm always going to try to turn it into something positive - my blog can only get better, especially considering the way it started out'

Have any of you ever felt this way about your blog, and if so, how did you turn it into something positive and productive?

Visiting Stratford upon Avon

This summer my family and I went away for a week to a little town just outside of Stratford upon Avon, and obviously whilst we were there we took a trip into the little historic town to have a look around. We visited the house where Shakespeare grew up, as well as the place he was buried, the house he bought after he started making and the cottage that his wife, Anne Hathaway, lived in.

These places were so interesting and, as an English student, it was so nice to be able to learn about Shakespeare's life both before and after he became a well-known playwrite and poet. I found out loads of interesting things while looking around, and although it is a little pricey to get in to see all of the things they have on display, it's definitely worth it if you're interested in Shakespeare as both a writer and a person. They make it a really interesting experience, rather than just giving lots of information to read, and also have people on-hand to give you extra detail and information - which really gives it a more personal feel.

Anne Hathaway's cottage is honesty one of the cutest places I have ever visited

The garden is also so over-grown and wild-looking in a really lovely
and colourful way - they had lots of flowers growing randomly in places like these sun flowers.

In one of the exhibits they had a board on the wall full of famous quotations from Shakespeare's work.

They had a comments book for visitors to write in,
and as we looked through we found one person who was adamant Shakespeare would
have been a Belieber if he was still alive

No sunny day is complete without a mixed slush puppie 

We made our own pizzas when we got back to where we were staying,
however we didn't have any mozzarella so we had to make do with cheddar,
which made it VERY strong cheese-wise! 

We Need To Talk About Kevin | Review

I recently featured this book in my June Favourites post talking about how much I had been loving it, and although it has taken me a while, I have now finished it and haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

It's got everything I love in a novel: a compelling narrative, passages that dare to shock, and a truly moving conclusion that gives all sorts of closure without it having to be particularly heartbreaking or a fairytale ending. It was difficult for me to get into in the first few chapters, and I struggled with Eva's first person narrative once Kevin was born, simply due to how my personal viewpoint in the beginning was that she chose to see the bad in her son, however as Kevin progressed to an age in which he was able to speak and act for himself, I started to genuinely, almost morbidly, enjoy the story that unfolded after that.

For those of you who don't know, this book is written in a series of letters from a woman called Eva, to her estranged husband regarding their son, Kevin, who two years previously committed a high school massacre. The main focus of these letters seems to be Eva coming to some kind of understanding as to why their son did what he did, and whilst the story seems a mixture of passages that indicate it being a product of his nature and the way he was nurtured by his parents, parts of it also allude to the wider problem of school shootings and the problem of gun control in America: something that is still a very topical debate today.

For me, the book is a deeply honest, sometimes funny sometimes poignant, exploration of the almost unnerving understanding between a child and their mother, as I do genuinely believe that Kevin and Eva understand one another so much that they're constantly conscious of their actions around one another. 

What ultimately provoked Kevin to go through with Thursday I have no idea, but the theory I support the most is that it was to do with Eva: I think that he cared for her more than he let on, and her inability to care for him gave him the desire to bereave her of anything she ever wanted or cared about, as well as box her into the cliche of another 'mother whose son has committed a school shooting', something Eva would have despised.

If you're wanting to read a book that affirms your life; this is definitely not for you. Only read if, like me, you want to read a terrifyingly real account of how it is not innate for a mother to like her child, how more often than not mothers and fathers fuck up in all sorts of ways, whether it is obvious or not, and how, even if you try to convince yourself otherwise, the thought of becoming a mother is petrifying and, sometimes, utterly repulsive.

Arctic Monkeys | T in the Park

I feel like I've been bombarding you guys with posts about T in the Park over the past few days, and although I did promise myself I'd keep the fangirl flailing to a minimum on this blog - I had such a good time I just can't keep it all to myself. 

Sunday was a weird day for me, as although I was sad the festival was ending and I wanted the last day to drag, I also couldn't wait for it to get to the headline slot as Arctic Monkeys were playing. When they finally entered the stage after Jake Bugg (who was amazing by the way, and we even managed to get him to smile once or twice), despite the fact that the whole 'oh my god they actually exist' thing had worn off by this point, I felt my whole body buzz with excitement.

Alex Turner was on form as always, and they played all the favourites like Cornerstone, 505 and Dancing Shoes, as well as new classics like Arabella and Do I Wanna Know. The set seemed to sort of lapse in the middle though, I'm not sure whether it was where we were stood, or perhaps because the crowd wasn't as big as usual because Example was headlining another stage, but the energy seemed to drop considerably through tracks like I Wanna Be Yours and Fireside. It could have even been because the band concentrated so much on their new material, but even Fluorescent Adolescent didn't muster up the energy I had assumed it would.

Despite that though, the set they played was still fantastic, and Alex's attempt at raving to the music that could be heard from Example's performance in between songs was one of the best things I have ever seen - that's not even an exaggeration, I promise.

The LaFontaines and Twenty One Pilots | T in the Park

After spending the entirety of Friday at the main stage in order to get to the front for Biffy, on the Saturday of T we decided to check out a few of the other stages, which included the T Break tent for smaller, unsigned bands and the Radio 1 Stage.

Taken from The LaFontaine's facebook page,
obviously I wasn't on stage with the band - that would be terrifying.

We when to see The LaFontaines on a whim, and I am so, so glad I did as I was subjected to one of the greatest gigs I have ever seen. Obviously I didn't know what to expected from them, as I'd never heard them before, however that didn't matter when I got there. The lead singer was absolutely crazy, dressed in his Scotland-appropriate tartan shirt, jumping around all over the place and encouraging the crowd to circle pit, before crowd surfing himself. 

The crowd went absolutely mental for this band, and I can tell the next few years are going to be massive for them. I mean, there was even a woman on someone's shoulders and topless by the end of their performance, and I don't think she'd do that for just any old band.

Source: http://www.gettyimages.co.uk/detail/news-photo/josh-dun-and-tyler-joseph-of-twenty-one-pilots-perform-on-news-photo/452057734
I was so emotionally overwhelmed that I forgot to take photos of them.

The band I was more excited than most to see last weekend was Twenty One Pilots. I haven't been a fan of these two for very long, I only started listening to them around October last year, but they are now easily my favourite band and I adore everything about them.

They entered the Radio 1 Stage dressed in balaclavas, and the crowd was at most around 100 people, however by the end of their gig the whole area surrounding the stage was filled. Although they didn't play my favourite Semi Automatic, they did do a super cool drum duet together in the middle of the set which kind of made up for it, and Josh's purple hair, their flips over and off the piano as well as Tyler's captivating performance style made it everything I'd wanted and more.

Okay, I'm gonna stop now before I start gushing over these guys.

Biffy Clyro | T in the Park

And after hours of waiting at the main stage so we could get to the front, pleading with the people who worked there to get us some water because, stupidly, we didn't bring our own, with aching feet and a nervous excitement: Biffy Clyro entered the stage. 

Literally everybody went absolutely crazy, and we ended up jumping so much to the first few songs that we moved about 5 metres from where we were originally stood, and the fact that Simon Neil came out in a man-bun, and then let his hair down like he was in some kind of shampoo advert made we want to weep with happiness.

Their set was the perfect blend of old favourites like Glitter and Trauma and anthemic masterpieces from their most recent album Opposites. The spindly, almost spooky bare tree branches that they had as stage decoration looked so cool, Simon's utter appreciation of where they've been in comparison to where they are now and James' own declaration that he was wearing tartan knickers to match his trousers made the performance a great balance of humour and seriousness. 

In comparison to when I saw them on tour after they'd just released Only Revolutions, the band's stage presence has increased enormously, and their ability to sweep up the crowd into a frenzy has certainly improved, there was an air of confidence about them that for some reason I didn't seem to expect. Simon muttering into the microphone with a smug tone to his voice that 'nobody sings like a T crowd' filled the audience with that kind of pride that makes them cry out and scream like loons, before singing along to the next track like madmen.

 I became a little disappointed towards the end that they hadn't played Stingin' Belle, but when they played it during the encore complete with a kilt-clad Scotsman on the bagpipes, everything seemed to come together. Closing the set with Mountains gave the band's send off a feeling of proper closure, and when the three hugged each other as they left the stage, I knew I'd been witness to something, as Simon himself would put, 'fucking magical'.

Simon 'fucking' Neil complete with man bun.

You Me At Six and Imagine Dragons | T in the Park

The first band we saw on the Friday was You Me At Six, and although they played the majority of their newer stuff that I'm not overly keen on, when they played Stay With Me I felt 11-year-old me's dreams all coming true, and Josh's face when everyone sang Underdog back to him was enough to make everyone want to weep with an overwhelming sense of appreciation and nostalgia.


Josh did eventually take his huge black coat off


A picture of my bae Max Helyer (hell yeah!) on the right, mid hair-flick. 

Imagine Dragons were also absolutely incredible - it was honestly one of the best live performances I have ever seen. And when they broke out into a rendition of The Proclaimer's 500 Miles it was one of the best moments of my life, everyone knows how proud Scotland is to be Scottish, and this was such a clever way to get everyone there going mental.

Mr Dan Reynolds - one of the best frontman's of any band to ever exist.

T in the Park 2014

So it finally happened. After months and months of waiting and listening to albums and getting monumentally excited for the fact I was going to see Simon Neil and Alex Turner IN REAL LIFE; I finally made it to T in the Park! 

After a little confusion and mix-up with our campervan, we set off all the way up to Balado in Scotland. The atmosphere was lovely; everyone was so friendly (you literally make so many new friends at festivals) and I even found myself adopting a slightly Scottish accent towards the end of it. We managed to get both extremities in terms of the weather: the Friday was blisteringly hot and the Saturday was cold and damp until it eventually bucketed in down in the middle of Calvin Harris' set.

This T was particularly special as it was the last time it would be located in Balado, and so at the end of the night on Sunday they had a man come on and play the bagpipes whilst fireworks went off in the background. It felt very sentimental, and I'm glad I managed to attend before it moved to it's different location.

Getting our faces painted, I'm the one on the right hand side not looking very impressed - but I assure you I did love my facepaint once it was done!

They made this skull out of all the rubbish left over at the end of one of the previous festivals, so I'm actually stood posing in front of hundreds of plastic bottles - but it looks super cool.

       

There were many selfies taken on this trip, however most of them are too horrific to unleash onto the internet unawares, so I chose three of the best!

The fireworks behind the famous big wheel after Arctic Monkeys set.

#byebyebalado

Although I had never even considered going all the way up to Scotland to attend a festival (it had been my plan to go to Leeds this year instead, which is only an hour away), I'm so glad I did. Like I said, the friendly atmosphere, combined with the amazing line up, the way everyone chants 'Here we, here we, here we fucking go!' at the bands and the fact it was the last one in Balado made it feel like a very special and unique experience, it's something I would encourage everyone to attend at some point in their lives, and it's safe to say I will be returning to T in the Park at some point in the near future!

June favourites!

June was a bit of a crazy for me, as I had the majority of my exams to do during the first two weeks of the month and then for the rest of it I've had nothing to do! It's been a very odd contrast, but I have managed to find a fair few favourites during this time.

My first favourite is this beautiful pale blue dress from New Look, which I only bought towards the end of June, but it's just so pretty I couldn't not include it. It was in the sale as well, so was only £13, so if you're interested in buying one I'd rush to New Look ASAP or else they'll all be gone. I think this will be fab for T in the Park, with a parka and some chunky boots (and maybe a flowery headband or two).

For some reason my skin has had a meltdown over the past few weeks and has just broken out in spots all around my chin area, God knows why. So I decided a change in my skincare routine was needed, and I have started using the Garnier Pure Active Intensive face wash, which targets spots and unclogs pores. It's been great so far, and my skin is already clearing up!

I also picked up these three nail polishes this month, all of which I love. The red and white are from Rita Ora's collection for Rimmel, and I love them both. My go-to nail polish has been the white on the left hand side, as I think white is really on-trend at the moment, however the pink has also been a firm favourite as I think it's just a rich colour - it reminds me of pink bubblegum.

I got this Eyeko Skinny liquid liner pen free with my edition of Glamour magazine, and I have absolutely adored using it. It's so great for when you don't want a thick top line, as that can often leave your eyes feeling kind of small and over-done, and doesn't budge at all.

I think I have had a bit of a thing for pale blue and white this month, as I've basically been alternating between these two sets of earrings this month every single day. I think they both really help to lighten up an outfit, and give it a bit of spring/summer colour!

As it's getting sunnier I have taken to sitting out in the garden and reading, or listening to music, as a way of getting a bit of a tan. However this means I have had to be more careful to moisturise. I use the papaya body butter from Body Shop in the morning, so that I smell all fruity throughout the day, and then on a night after my shower I apply the Garnier Summer Body moisturiser that has a hint of gradual tan, which is great for topping up on my natural tan whilst making sure my skin stays hydrated.

The book that's really stuck out for me this month is We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver, which I mentioned in my Unexpected Rainy Days post, as I honestly cannot get over how fluently and articulately the novel is written, as well as how horrifying vivid the story is that the narrator is describing. Shriver really doesn't seem to want to hold back anything in this book, and it is brutally honest about everything in the most amazing way.

Source: http://typophile.com/files/Utopia%20grab_5955.JPG

The TV show I have been addicted to this month is Channel 4's Utopia, a series about a group of people who meet because they are all involved in an online forum dedicated to a graphic novel centred around a conspiracy theory. It kind of feels like Misfits and any Shaun of the Dead put together, as it has an amateur style and is written in an incredibly British way. The second series comes out in July, and I can't wait!